College Students: OOZE CONFIDENCE! (And if you are not confident, then fake it!)

College Students: “Ooze Confidence” (And if you are not confident … then fake it!)

“Fake it till you make it” is not about faking happiness until you trick yourself into being happy. It’s not about acting like you’re too cool for school until other people also believe you are, and then basing your life around a made-up personality. It is about confidence. It is about meeting situations that you feel intimidated by head-on, telling yourself that you’re ready for them, and putting “I-can-DO-this” intentions out there, until you’ve done such a good job convincing yourself that you suddenly can handle the challenge before you.

Appear confident, in everything you do. And if you are not – fake it!  By appearing to act confident, those around you don’t know of your insecurities – and it actually trains your mind to think confidently!

For a good part of my life, I was overly shy. (I remain a SEVERE introvert, but that’s different from being shy.)  In college I dreaded being called upon in class. I would never approach a girl.  At parties I always stood in the corner of the room. But then, one day, I figured it out - introversion is a strength, but not an excuse to fail to socialize effectively with others.

So, I sought out a little help from friends (the few I had) and read various books. (Of course, nowadays there is all kinds of advice on the Web about dating, small talk, confidence-building skills - just search for videos on YouTube). And I learned that I needed to push out the bubble of my "comfort zone." 

I learned the power of a smile. I learned the power a handshake, a gentle touch on a person's hand or arm. I learned to greet others - even complete strangers - as I passed them by, or sat down in a classroom, etc.

At parties, I learned to pretend (without telling anyone) to be the “host” - and I took it upon myself to make others comfortable, introduce a person to another, etc. I found that fully one-third to one-half of the persons I encountered were also shy – many even more shy than I was (and I found that hard to believe, at first).

I learned that asking questions of others was the best way to keep conversations going, rather than just by continuing to talk myself. I learned the importance of focusing on the other person, as he or she talked. He or she deserves my undivided attention.

And I learned that I constantly needed to push out my “comfort zone” in order to get better and better at socializing and networking, and not revert back to my old habits. Why? Because I’m still an introvert – and I always will be. But being an introvert is a blessing, and a source of my inner strength. In fact, as an introvert I give energy to others. I am also much more contemplative of the world around me than most extroverts. I would never change that. I am proud to be an introvert.

College is that it is the perfect place to push out the boundaries of your own comfort zone - to expand the "bubble" of your ability to socialize with others.  And this is such an important skill, in the world of business, and in life in general.  It’s much better to practice and develop skills in college, than try to build those skills later “in the real world.”

About a year ago we had on campus a dynamic speaker, Adam LaDolce, author of “Being Alone Sucks!” (I would strongly recommend Adam as a speaker for any college or high school.)  Adam LaDolce offered a lot of suggestions to those who were either shy or introverted.

• First, don’t over-exaggerate the importance of certain events in your life.  Think about it – a short conversation with another, of “muffing it” in class, is not that big a deal – if it goes wrong.  It’s just the opportunity to learn to be better.
• Second, realize this truth: “I’d rather regret doing it than regret not doing it.”  This is like the old saying, “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships were built for.”
• Thrid, smile and say “hello” to everyone you pass by.  Try it – for the distance between one class and wherever you are next going.  Try it again and again.  Over time, you will find that people start saying “good morning” or “good afternoon” back to you. And, over time, more people will seek you out to get to know you.
• Fourth, imagine standing on a chair in a room and shouting: “I love all of you very much!” Some people will laugh, and some of these will want to get to know you more.  But a few in the room may look down on you. Guess what? These other people – they don’t exist to you anymore! There are plenty of people who do want to get to know you, who are lonely themselves. All you have to do is take a risk. What's the worst that can happen? You’ll discover that “the worst” is not really all that bad.

Do you always have to "ooze confidence"?  While this is important in my situations (interviews, the world of business, etc.), there are times when it is permitted to show a little vulnerability. For example, here's one way, especially if you are shy, to meet other people. It’s as simple as this - approach other people to seek out a conversation.  If you are shy, use this excuse: “My crazy professor wants me to push myself out my comfort zone, and go out and meet more people. Do you suppose we could chat sometime, perhaps over a drink or lunch at the Central Dining Hall, so I can practice socializing?” It’s o.k. to show a little vulnerability, by the way, in this instance.  (Another great pick up line ... "Hi. My name is ____. I've been told that I'm really shy, but I wanted to ask you if we could chat sometime, so I can get to know you better.")

What’s the worst that can happen? The other person says “NO WAY!” and turns away from you. And, if he or she does, then just move on – that person no longer exists for you, at least within your own universe. But there are hundreds or thousands of others out there who will want to meet you, and who desire to have a conversation with you.

How do you conduct a conversation? Have some questions prepared. The best conversation is where you talk 30% of the time, and the other person talks 70% of the time. (Once a relationship is formed, 50/50 is a better ratio.) A good way to get the other person to speak is for you to ask questions about that other person. First, seek out some basic facts, nothing too personal. For example, where is the person from, are they an only child or from a larger family, why they attended this college, what is their major, and what type of career they desire. Also ask for the other person's opinion - such as what classes to take, what professors are best, or what clubs or organizations to consider joining. As the conversation ensues, more personal questions can follow.

In summary, here's how to OOZE CONFIDENCE every day. First, be certain to smile – always – in the presence of others. Second, say “good morning” or “good afternoon” or "Hello!" or "How are you doing?" as you pass by others. Third, walk tall and with purpose - like it is important for you to get to where you are going, and quickly.  And lastly, imagine the other persons you greet are much more shy than you.

OOZE CONFIDENCE in everything you do, and be more successful in life. And, even if you are not confident in a particular situation, act as though you are. You'll impress others that way, and in so doing you will open doors that you never imagined would exist for you.

Professor Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP(r) teaches Business Law, Retirement Planning, Investment Planning, Employee Benefits Planning, Money & Banking, Insurance & Risk Management, and the Personal Financial Planning Capstone courses at Alfred State College, Alfred, NY. He is an EPLP Mentor, C.R.E.A.T.E. program mentor, serves as advisor to Alfred State's Business Professionals of America club, and serves as academic advisor to dozens of students.

Professor Rhoades is the author of "CHOOSE TO SUCCEED IN COLLEGE AND IN LIFE: Continuously Improve, Persevere, and Enjoy the Journey," a 10-week program for success in college (available for $2.99 in Kindle store at Amazon.com, or in paperback for $6.99). Professor Rhoades may be reached by e-mail at: RhoadeRA@AlfredState.edu. 

Preliminary Thoughts on the "Fiscal Cliff" "Deal"

Ron's Preliminary Thoughts on the “Fiscal Cliff” “Deal”

There are several reports already regarding the personal financial and tax planning consequences of the fiscal cliff deal.  Rather than discuss all of these provisions in more detail, I’d like to comment about two aspects of the recent “deal” to avoid the “fiscal cliff” – by first discussing “winners and losers.”  I’ll then turn to the “next cliffs,” with some questions about the parties’ strategy, but with greater inquiry as to why certain parts of the puzzle are not being considered more greatly – both as to procedural and substantive issues.

WINNERS AND LOSERS.

RETURN OF FULL MEDICARE TAXES.  The biggest impact for most Americans is the expiration of the 2% cut off Medicare employee contributions.  This was designed to be a temporary two-year cut to aid the economy, paid for by adding to the accumulated national debt.  It is no surprise that this “tax break” expired.  Employees will feel real pain – with lower net paychecks in 2013.  This is our most compelling reminder that pulling back on stimulus to the economy – whether fiscal or monetary – can be most painful.

MARGINAL TAX RATES RISE FOR HIGH EARNERS.  For individuals with greater than $400,000, and married couples with greater than $450,000, of ordinary taxable income – roughly 2% of all Americans – income tax rates will also increase.  But only for income above these previously stated levels.  However, the return of the elimination of certain itemized deductions, for income above certain levels, will also hurt high earners.

THE ASSET RICH – NOT SO HARMED.  Those “wealthy” who derive a lot of income from dividends and/or capital gains should be pleased.  The 20% rate on long-term capital gains was anticipated.  The compromise to permit qualified dividends to be taxed at 20% is the larger surprise, and a real benefit to those Americans who own stock (within taxable accounts) in publicly traded corporations, and to those who own stock mutual funds in taxable accounts.  Additionally, greater certainty in planning for gains (and other tax preference items) will result due to the “permanent” patch to the alternative minimum tax.  The preservation of the $5m federal estate tax exemption ($10m for married couples) is another big "win" for the "asset rich."

FEDERAL GOVERNMENT AGENCIES AND THEIR EMPLOYEES.  By punting on the “sequester” for two months, most federal government agencies – many of them facing 8% to 13% budget cuts – still face similar cuts, if the next “sequester cliff” is not addressed.  The agencies should continue feel constrained in their hiring and expenditures, and employees are left to wonder about probable furloughs (mandatory days off without pay) and/or layoffs.

STRATEGY ... THE ROAD AHEAD IS MORE DIFFICULT FOR THE DEMS.

The “debt ceiling cliff” and the “sequester cliff” still exist, with February and March deadlines.  Here are some thoughts about the road ahead.

Both parties have moved from intransigent positions and have compromised, albeit only with the substantial assistance and intervention of V.P. Biden and Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (again).  While some will opine that the compromises made now will make further compromise less likely, I believe the opposite is true.  The new Congress, with a slightly different make-up, and having finally learned to compromise to accomplish “something,” is more likely to reach deals.

Did the Democrats use up most of their leverage, by focusing on eliminating tax increases for all but the high earners?  What incentives do the Republicans possess to avoid the “sequester” on government spending?  Moreover, Republicans appear to possess the upper hand in demanding cuts to entitlement spending to avoid the debt ceiling – and the sequester.  I wonder if the Democrat’s perceived short-term victory in achieving the recent “deal” will turn out to pose long-term difficulties in negotiations.

If, however, real tax reform is to take place – by simplification, elimination of many deductions, and lowering of tax rates, then the Democrats may be better-positioned to head into such “revenue neutral” discussions with higher marginal rates on high earners already in place.

SOME SUGGESTIONS FOR MEANINGFUL REFORMS.

This is a lousy way to run tax policy.  Here are some better ways, in my view, to go about things in Washington, DC.  (I provide, as well, some thoughts on specific spending cuts and tax increases.)

• We should be focusing first on ways to make American corporations more competitive.  Reforming and lowering corporate income taxes is one key.  And removing the burden of employee health care from larger corporations is another (although this would require massive changes to how health care is funded in this country).  Like it or not, the United States competes with other nations in a global economy.

• Next, let’s focus on tax simplification.  Not just by a bit, but by a lot.  No just by lowering tax rates and eliminating most deductions and credits (a good thing, in my opinion), but also by making our government more efficient and reducing the need for tax and compliance consulting.

• For example, what if all IRAs and defined contribution plans were combined into one type of defined contribution plan – all with the same tax, contribution, and distribution rules (and penalties).  It would be a lot easier to administer (under ERISA), and save a lot of money spent at the Dept. of Labor (EBSA) and by tax attorneys, CPAs and retirement plan administrators across the country.  Imagine if defined benefit plans were simplified, as well.

• Tax increases and spending cuts should be phased in - via a new long-term annual sequester process.  As we’ve seen, from all of the recent economist warnings, huge “cliffs” in either reduced government spending or increased taxes can result in the likelihood of recession.  Common sense informs us that federal debt reduction shouldn’t be – as the fiscal cliff set up to do – a huge precipice of either tax increases or spending cuts.  

•  One of the strategies used to get people to save is to set aside an increased amount (as a percentage of income) for savings (or debt reduction).  Why not do the same for the federal government?  Mandate a reduction (in real, or inflation-adjusted, terms) of some percentage amount in overall spending each year (such as 1%, 1.5% or 2% a year), and revenue increases (i.e., tax increases) also in real terms (such as 1%, 1.5% or 2% a year).  Mandate this for ten years. 

• The difficulty in adopting a ten-year plan for spending cuts and revenue increases lies in determining “how much.” But that’s the real “grand bargain” that needs to be made.

• If done correctly, this phased-in, mandatory annual sequester approach will quiet the concerns about increases in debt-to-GDP levels “forever,” while at the same time providing a more stable tax and spending policy in the near term.  In other words, economic growth can proceed, as business and consumer confidence will be restored.  And with confidence restored will come further impetus for economic growth.

• In summary as to this point, we can make a lot of progress if Congress were to vote to enact rules to force ten years of phased-in spending cuts and tax increases, through an annual sequester process.  We’ve seen this before – and despite the sometimes difficulties it caused in the political process – it worked! 

• [By way of further explanation, the Balanced Budget and Emergency Deficit Control Act of 1985 established an annual sequester as a means to enforce statutory budget limits.  Amendments to this act were designed to use sequesters to control direct spending and revenues (through the pay-as-you-go, or PAYGO, process) and discretionary spending (through spending caps).  (Sadly, those mechanisms expired October 1, 2002.)  Previously, under these mechanisms, the budgetary impact of all legislation was scored by OMB, and reported three times each year (a preview with the President’s budget submission, an update with the Mid-Session Review of the Budget, and a final report after Congress adjourned). If the final report on either the PAYGO or spending caps mechanism indicated that the statutory limitations within that category had been violated, the President was required to issue an order making across-the-board cuts of nonexempt spending programs within that category.]

SOME SPECIFICS.   In order to avoid being labeled as just another pundit fearful of providing specific solutions, I offer several (and many more should be considered):

• The raising of tax revenues in the short-term by encouraging greater conversions to Roth IRAs and Roth accounts is poor long-term tax policy.  The Roth IRA (and other Roth accounts) are huge give-aways to taxpayers, which - in my opinion - the government can ill-afford.  As much as they are long-term beneficial for my clients (and their heirs), they don’t bode well for the long-term financial security of the country.  Sadly, we need to eliminate further contributions and conversions to Roth accounts.

• Reduced Pentagon spending will occur.  Great strides have been made in recent decades in cutting obsolete weapons programs and closing unneeded military bases.  Greater strides still need to be made, still.  The Secretary of Defense’s job will be a tough one, over the next decade, as the Defense Department wrestles with reduced levels of funding.

• Chained CPI will occur.  The door has been opened to its consideration.  But it is not the only solution to entitlement spending.  We must also consider a phase-in of a higher Full Retirement Age for Social Security retirement benefits, a slightly higher age for Medicare eligibility, and higher Medicare taxes (employer and employee contributions) over time.  The longer we wait, the more severe the remedy.

• Let’s simplify Medicare while we are at it.  Eliminate Medicare Part C (which costs the government tens of billions more than it should, anyway).  Combine Parts A, B and D, and make B & D mandatory.  This should greatly reduce administrative costs in the Medicare system.  And, of course, permit Medicare (or non-profit associations acting as payors) to negotiate prescription drug prices.  And let’s open the discussion about reducing the costs of end-of-life care, by having an honest discussion about it (with no “death panels” rhetoric).

CLOSING THOUGHTS.

Let’s get away from the “unified budget” numbers.  It understates our real annual budget deficit.  (I lay some blame with the press, for permitting the politicians to continually referred to the “unified budget” numbers when reciting the size of budget deficits.)

Campaign finance reform is essential (and it may require a Constitutional amendment).  And term limits for those in Congress should be reconsidered.  As we have seen, far too many in Congress cast votes in anticipation of the next primary or general election.  Going to Washington should be viewed as an opportunity to temporarily serve the country, and not as the necessity of preserving one’s permanent seat.

It may take some time to digest all of the “deal” which has been approved.  We can only hope that the process used to achieve tax and spending reform (i.e., deficit reduction) – while never easy – can be undertaken in Washington with a great deal more thought, and courage - in the future, when contrasted to what we have seen over the past two months.

Largely due to Congress’ inability to tackle problems in a sensible way, too many Americans worry that America is in permanent decline.  Let us hope, and pray, that current and new leaders will embrace a more sensible path toward addressing the country’s problems, with a long-term perspective.  Let us hope that statesmen and leaders emerge to guide us toward a prosperous future.

I am optimistic.  America is a great country, and with unbundled enthusiasm, its entrepreneurial spirit, and the promises from continued innovation, we can continue to remain a great country - and a great people.  But, to maintain this greatness, we must demand more from our elected leaders.  Each and every one of us should write to our representatives in Congress and demand statesmanship rather than political posturing.

In conclusion, the recent outcome of the "fiscal cliff" "deal" did little to restore the all-essential business and consumer confidence our country needs to assist in propelling our economic growth.  It did avert the "fiscal cliff" - but not by addressing our long-term fiscal issues, as was intended.  Let us hope that over the next two months we will witness a process, and outcomes, far more satisfactory.

Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP(r)

January 1, 2013

Rush Toward Your Fear

I am deathly afraid of heights, and always have been. As a child, during a visit to New York City, I was very nervous about going up the Empire State Building, and even more so when my parents urged me to peer down from the observation deck to the streets below.  My fear of falling was intense; and my parents could never get me to ride any roller coaster - regardless of how small or tame it may have been.

So at the age of 18 years, I faced a dilemma.  I was in my first summer at the U.S. Coast Guard Academy.  I found out that on the summer cruise, in just a few weeks time, I would be expected required to climb the rigging of the tall ship, The U.S.C.G. Eagle, and to work aloft handling the sails.

While at the Coast Guard Academy I received instruction from a Boatswain's Mate, who had been in the Coast Guard for about a decade.  He previously had served on the Eagle, and as he taught us various types of knots he explained where on the Eagle we might find a use for each one.  As he was teaching several cadets and me the intricacies of tying a bowline (a type of knot), I asked the Boatswain’s Mate, with some apprehension in my voice, “How difficult is it to climb the Eagle's rigging?”  The Boatswain's Mate paused from working the line in his hands, looked me straight in the eye, and simply said: "Rush toward your fear."

A few weeks later, my fellow swabs - that's what they called first year cadets - were flown to Miami, where we picked up the Eagle to take her on a week-long training cruise.  So here I was at the Port of Miami, aboard the docked ship, with my gear stowed.  It was an early summer evening, and I was on deck, looking up at the three masts, the 10 yardarms, the crosstrees, shrouds, halyards, and all the other rigging.  As I was looking up, contemplating my fate, the Officer of the Deck approached me and asked, "Want to go aloft?"

I imagine I turned white a bit, but just then I remembered what the Boatswain’s Mate had said.  "Rush toward your fear."  So I nodded to the Officer of the Deck, stowed my hat, and headed up the rigging,.  I climbed up, past the first platform and the lowest yardarm.  I continued higher and higher, pausing every several steps to look around – and at times down to the deck, appearing smaller and smaller as I went higher and higher.  Past two more yardarms, and finally I made it to the second and higher platform upon which I could sit, pause, and regain my senses.

But just then the Officer of the Deck shouted up, “Keep going.  Touch the commissioning pennant.”  I look down, then up, terrified.  The shrouds (lines running up and down) were very narrow at this point, and it was difficult to fit my big shoe in the rigging to go higher.  But, keeping in mind what the Boatswain’s Mate had told me, higher I did go, the last thirty feet, and touched the commissioning pennant at the top of the mainmast, some one hundred fifty feet above the deck.

As I headed back down I traversed out onto the footrope which hung beneath each of the yardarms.  My big feet found each single footrope that hung beneath each yardarm with ease, and with a firm grip on the handrails affixed to each yardarm I felt made somewhat secure as I traversed out to the end of each yardarm, then returned back to the mast.

I also paused and sat on each platform, partly to rest and partly to enjoy the view.  In the rays of the setting summer sun, I felt a sense of accomplishment.  Not only had I climbed the rigging, far beyond the point where I ever thought I would, but I was the first among my classmates to do so.

From that day forward, I was known as a rigging rat, always willing to go aloft to furl or unfurl the sails.

A year later I was aboard the Eagle for a longer summer cruise, this time across the Atlantic and back.  When returning, just northwest of Bermuda, the ship encountered a low pressure system.  (A better description of the low pressure system would be “minor hurricane” – although I was not convinced that hurricanes could be minor.) 

It was the middle of the night.  Cadets were not allowed on deck, except for the bridge crew.  The Eagle was under sail, in seventy-five knot winds, with gusts up to ninety knots.  Even though it was the dead of night, the sea was awash in white, as the wind and waves combined to brew a froth of whitecaps and foam atop the thirty-foot high waves.

That night I was on duty on the ship’s helm.  I led a team of six cadets, on three connected six-foot ship’s wheels, as we sought to keep the ship on course.  The Eagle did not have power steering, so turning the rudder, via the wheel, required a good amount of muscle applied by the six cadets to turn the ship's wheels.

Only the three lower sails on each mast were deployed that night, as the top two sails had long been furled in order to not strain the masts too much.  Suddenly the gaskets which constrained the topsail to its yardarm blew out.  This posed a dangerous condition – not only could we lose a sail in the powerful wind, but the stress being placed on the mast by the sail flapping in the high wind could cause it to snap.  If the mast snapped, it could fall to and through the deck, even punching a hole in the hull of the ship.

The Captain quickly sent an experienced enlisted man aloft to secure the sail.  After twenty minutes, the enlisted man signaled down that he needed more line.  The Captain looked around, spotted me on the wheel, and asked: “Rhoades, want to go aloft?”

I wouldn’t say that I wanted to go aloft in those conditions.  But a request from your Captain was more like a very strong suggestion, and somewhat close to an order.  So I headed down to the Boatswain’s Locker, measured out eighty feet of line, cut and spliced the ends of the line, and wrapped it in a coil.  With the coil of line slung over my shoulders, I headed up to the deck, crossed to the side of the ship, and in a pause between the waves crashing over the ship's side I then grasped the rigging and headed aloft.

The Eagle, though under sail, reeled from side to side and yawed fore and aft.  Climbing the rigging was instantly a challenge, for as the ship careened over onto one side I found myself not climbing vertically, but rather at times almost horizontally, looking down at the deck.  Then, as the Eagle careened to its other side, I hung on, for I would find myself hanging on to the rigging, looking straight up to the sky, with all fours – and even at times with my head seemingly below my feet.

Fifteen minutes of effort later I finally reached the top yardarm.  I left the rigging and traversed out onto the footrope beneath the yardarm.  There I encountered the enlisted man – the very same Boatswain’s Mate who had taught me knots more than a year before.  We looked each other in the eye, and he nodded at me, with a slight smile passing his lips.  I nodded back, and then together we set to work, wrapping up the sail with the line and tightly securing it to the yardarm.  Some thirty minutes later we were back on deck, exhausted from battling the high winds and sea spray as we worked aloft.  Yet it was a physical exhaustion only, for our minds raced as we recalled the journey we had together pursued during the past hour.

Rush toward your fear – or you will miss out on the great experiences in life.

Today I am still afraid of heights.  But I have been on roller coasters since I was eighteen years of age.  And I have gone up in many tall buildings (and even, at times, I have peeked over the edge).

Rush toward your fear  - for life is beautiful on the other side.

Today I observe many of my college students who are shy, even introverted.  At events they tend to stand in the corner.  They rarely approach others they don't know.  In short, they are missing out on life!

I first inform my students that introversion is a strength - indeed, a gift.  It allows we introverts to look at the world through a very contemplative, thoughtful lens.  Yet, introversion should never be an excuse.

Hence, just like climbing aloft - very scary at first - I seek to expand each student's comfort zone.  How?  Through exercises designed to force them to meet new people (after learning how to approach others).  I also provide instruction in networking, and exercises in short public presentations.  How precisely is all this done (in classes where the subject is business law, or employee benefits, or retirement planning)?  Well - that's the subject of a future blog post.  Even I have limits on how long a single blog post can be.

But for now, if you are confronted with some fear, realize this.  Whatever fear is facing you - whether it be the fear of meeting someone new for the first time, or the fear of public speaking, or some other fear in life - rush toward it.  For once you are past it, life is great on the other side.

Professor Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP(r) teaches Business Law, Retirement Planning, Investment Planning, Employee Benefits Planning, Money & Banking, Insurance & Risk Management, and the Personal Financial Planning Capstone courses at Alfred State College, Alfred, NY. He is an EPLP Mentor, C.R.E.A.T.E. program mentor, serves as advisor to Alfred State's Business Professionals of America club, and serves as academic advisor to dozens of students.

Professor Rhoades is the author of "CHOOSE TO SUCCEED IN COLLEGE AND IN LIFE: Continuously Improve, Persevere, and Enjoy the Journey," a 10-week program for success in college (available for $2.99 in Kindle store at Amazon.com, or in paperback for $6.99). Professor Rhoades may be reached by e-mail at: RhoadeRA@AlfredState.edu.

A Farmer Who Never Said A Bad Word About Another

I was pleased to know my Great-Grandfather Burton Rhoades, if only for a short time when I was quite young.  I loved to visit his farm in the foothills of the Appalachian mountains.  As a young boy of 6 to 8 years old, the farm's corn fields, dirt roads, sheds, barns, pond, and stream provided endless hours of summer adventure during my all-too-brief visits.  Especially so for a young boy who was growing up in the suburbs.

I remember Great-Grandfather sitting on the front porch of his farm home, preparing fresh green beans (just harvested from his garden) for the evening meal.  And how he taught me to milk a cow ... which seemed like a huge creature to a young boy.  To my Great-Grandfather's dismay, milk "straight from the cow" - even chilled - to me tasted nothing like the pasteurized milk from the stores, and I could barely stand to drink it.  Then again, I somehow managed to easily consumer the home-made ice cream, made all the more delicious after many, many minutes winding the hand-crank.

When Great-Grandfather passed away, when I was but 8 or 9 years old, my Grandmother consoled me.  As she did so she uttered a statement, with pride, which I've remembered to this day, "My father never said a bad word about anyone."  Thinking back over the few short summer weeks I spent with Great-Grandfather, I realized the truth of the statement, and remembered my Great-Grandfather's inquisitive eyes, strong hands, and gentle nature.

Throughout life, time and time again I have seen persons who seem to derive pleasure from belittling others.  Perhaps it makes them feel better themselves, as if they are superior in some way, though I don't see how.  Psychologists will tell us that we have a natural tendency to want to boost our ego, and demeaning others can, at least internally and temporarily, lead us to a sense of superiority.  Yet demeaning others does not, in reality, make oneself any better.

We must realize that each person has their strengths, and their weaknesses.  Each person I believe is capable of doing great things, in their own way.  Each can, and with proper encouragement and guidance, make a positive contribution to the world.  Hence, we should be hesitant to disparage others, for who knows whether that person has done, or will do, great things.

In fact, doing bad things does not make a person "bad."  In fact, sound parenting advice is to never call your child "bad."  If parents do so, then children begin to believe it.  Parents should rather say: "What you did was not correct.  You are a good (boy/girl) and I know you can do better next time."

If we need to say something about a bad habit or a less-than-optimal performance, we should say it directly to the person, and preferably in private.  Constructive criticism, delivered well, should always be welcome.  In fact, the ability to provide and receive constructive thoughts is an indicator of true friendship.  And, in the workplace, constructive criticism can be provided in the context of goal-setting for an employee.

In the workplace I have also seen, time and time again, how a comment made to one fellow worker about a supervisor or a fellow employer can so easily get repeated, spread, and eventually come back to haunt the person who started it all.  Even if it is just a "slight."

Some people seem to assume that others are somehow "bad" or "evil" or "incompetent" - at least until they prove themselves otherwise.  I see the world differently.  To me everyone starts off "good" - they have to prove themselves otherwise to me.  And even then I try to resist judging too harshly, for who knows what that person has gone through that hour, that day, that week, or even for years.  Regardless, I always try to keep such thoughts to myself.

"Never say a bad word about others."  Perhaps this is good advice for all.  As for myself, I'll remember this truism.

I'll also recall the sun's rays over the corn fields near the end of each summer day, foretelling the close of each day of youthful exploration and adventure during visits to Great-Grandfather's farm.

Professor Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP(r) teaches Business Law, Retirement Planning, Investment Planning, Employee Benefits Planning, Money & Banking, Insurance & Risk Management, and the Personal Financial Planning Capstone courses at Alfred State College, Alfred, NY. He is an EPLP Mentor, C.R.E.A.T.E. program mentor, serves as advisor to Alfred State's Business Professionals of America club, and serves as academic advisor to dozens of students.

Professor Rhoades is the author of "CHOOSE TO SUCCEED IN COLLEGE AND IN LIFE: Continuously Improve, Persevere, and Enjoy the Journey," a 10-week program for success in college (available for $2.99 in Kindle store at Amazon.com, or in paperback for $6.99). Professor Rhoades may be reached by e-mail at: RhoadeRA@AlfredState.edu.

College Students: More Sleep = More Sex

The following text is derived in part from My Success Journal, a new book by Ron A. Rhoades, JD, CFP(r).  This workbook contains 12 weeks of exercises designed to propel college students to success ... in college, in business, and in life.  Available at Amazon.com.  (Students of Ron Rhoades receive this workbook for free.)

What Can Sleep Do for You in College?

With adequate sleep, you will feel energized and focused.  Your grades will improve.  You will be more vibrant and alive.  You'll smile more.  More people will say about you, "Wow, I'd really like to get to know that person."  You'll secure more dates!

That's right ... as counter-intuitive as it sounds:  More Sleep = More Sex!

The Dire Consequences of Insufficient Sleep

Sleep is an important key to health, wellness, cell growth, memory formation, mental agility, physical performance, and peace of mind.  You name it and sleep can improve it. Insufficient sleep can have serious and sometimes fatal consequences for themselves and others around them. For example, an estimated 20% of vehicle crashes are linked to drowsy driving.

Short sleep duration is associated with various adverse health effects (e.g., cardiovascular disease or obesity), decreased workplace and public safety, and impaired job performance.  Being drowsy during a job interview will usually result in a short interview.  And, of course, appearing drowsy during a conference with a prospective client, or at a networking event, can easily convey the wrong impression concerning you and your abilities.

How Much Sleep Does a College Student Need?

The National Sleep Foundation recommends that healthy adults sleep 7–9 hours per day. For college students the recommended amount of sleep is 9 hours 15 minutes for the average college student, to be fully engaged in all of your classes, and for maximum learning.  (Most college students possess overconfidence in their abilities, and hence substantially underestimate how much sleep they require.)

Yet, 30% of civilian employed U.S. adults (approximately 40.6 million workers) reported an average sleep duration of less than or equal to only 6 hours per day, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

Advice from Your Fellow Students

Don’t believe me?  Here’s some advice from your fellow students about getting enough sleep:

• “While it may sound self-explanatory, in our freshman year it took some of us some time to realize that he or she needed to get a good night’s sleep.  Once one’s sleep each night increased, so did one’s GPA.”
• “Regardless of how much you might personally need, you will have a hard time concentrating in class – and learning – if you are drowsy.  Also, your ability to retain facts in memory is greatly enhanced when you get enough sleep.”
• “If you get plenty of rest, you will have more energy to make it to every class on time, and to do all of the readings and assignments.”

In Conclusion

To manage all your time better, get more sleep.  More sleep will also lead to you being nicer, more attractive, and generally more awesome.

And yes, more sleep can even lead to greater socialization ... even more sex!